Fun is what we stop having when we start looking for it in our memories. That’s what we do right? Well that’s what I've been doing lately. Well to be honest I do believe in seizing the moment and living it but for some time I forgot that the present time is just slipping away from our hands.
I just got so lost in my previous memories that I somehow forgot what it was like to actually have fun or what it was like to smile at little things. I stopped exploring new things. I stopped talking to people. I became a closed book; well I still am to be honest.
There have been days where I would just stare at the blank paper for hours with a pencil in my hand not knowing what to draw or to doodle. I felt as if my hands had forgotten to do what they are best in doing. That’s when I realized what my worst fear was. There were also the days when I would just stare at the pages of my favourite book and not read a single word. And days when I wouldn't even feel like stepping in the kitchen to bake cupcakes. And then I would start crying not knowing what the reason was.
In a place where I am free to do what I love I still feel as if I am shackled with chains. I feel as if I am free but caged at the same time.
I guess we all set so many boundaries for ourselves that there comes a point when you start feeling claustrophobic. The boundaries you had set for yourself eventually start suffocating you. And that’s when you feel that everything is going wrong even if it isn't.
You know it’s just another one of those things I don’t understand: everyone impresses upon you how unique you are, encouraging you to cultivate your individuality while at the same time trying to squish you and everyone else into the same ridiculous mould.