Today is weird because I seem to have this strange kind of energy within me.
The one where I ask myself what is your 5 year plan. And I really don't have an answer to that. Yes I guess I've internally accepted that maybe 2020 is probably just about surviving and nothing else.
But what after that? I mean yeah I know I tend to overthink alot about these things but maybe its because m really scarred of living the life I've seen most girls live in my society. Not that m saying it is bad. Its mostly about your preferences and priorities. I mean whenever I try to have this conversation with someone about my dream and goals the reply I usually get it 'Stop over-thinking man you are just 24 tumhari puri zindagi pari hai.
I mean yeah sure puri zindagi pari hai but the society I've grown up in tends to believe that their is an expiry date for girls to get married. And you gotta get married within that age bracket. So there goes. I mean there is no such pressure on me to get married right away thankfully but this thing still exists. Tou kahan jati hai wo puri zindagi which people used to refer to?
Because from what I see around me I see girls putting a stop to their careers, their goals right after getting married. In some case if you are lucky you get to fulfill those dreams after getting married too. But its so uncertain right. And m just scarred of ending up like that.
You plan and plan and yet nothing is so certain. And sometimes I'm so uncertain of my own actions in the moment. I just do it maybe for the sake of fitting in or not appearing as uptight. Wanting that validation yet not. Sometimes I wish I could undo a few conversations, a few actions and meeting a few people in life. But sadly it's not photoshop that any action could be undoed.
