The Question Remains......

They say do what you love you'll always be happy!

It is so true, there is nothing like that feeling. But no matter how happy we get it's never enough. There just something that is always missing.
Don't get me wrong I don't mean to sound ungrateful here but that is the fact believe it or not.

You've got your path set out to do something you've always wanted. You have pre-planned literally everything yet you still feel like you don't have a purpose in life.

People ask you 'aur kya chal raha hai aaj kal?'
And you just nod your head and tell them your plans and that you've got it all figured out and you go like shit wtf inside your head.

Does that ever happen to you?
Feeling like you've been on this train and it's moving and you feel like you are actually going somewhere but the scene outside is the same throughout. It feels like a standstill even though the train is moving.

Do you ever feel like crying your eyes out and maybe you even do most of the days. But then you stop crying and you start to think why did you cry in the first place.
You don't know why you cried in the first place.
Suddenly the days start to feel longer then usual.
You just feel like sleeping all day long.
There are a thousand new things to binge on Netflix but you'll watch the same old shows on repeat.
You even try to talk to someone not exactly being able to explain how you feel but they just say you know you should just get some sleep it's the best medicine.

Infact all these nights you've just being trying so hard to sleep staring at the ceilings all night long.
And even at times you do feel like sleeping but you feel too tired to sleep as well.
There are things that need to be done but you keep delaying it, postponing it.
The people around you seem to disappear and reappear as they please.
You stop doing the things you loved doing simply because you just don't feel like just the thought of doing it feels like a burden.

The other day somebody praised my baking saying that "I love your baking so much I keep showing your creations to my mum." And asked me that what have I baked recently?
And I told that person that I haven't baked since a month and a half.
Her reply to this was "is everything alright? If you want to talk about anything I'm all ears."

To this I didn't exactly know what to say or how to react. Because I didn't know if I wanted to talk about anything or what exactly that 'anything' was.
I didn't know why I stopped baking. I stopped taking orders for a while I don't know why I did that.

There are weird outburst of emotions at times. It might feel like you feel something is wrong but you don't know what is it that's wrong. It just feels hollow and empty.